Keeping Kids Birthday Parties in Perspective

My precious 10-month-old is quickly approaching her first birthday. The first year has been a roller coaster ride of experiences, but I'd have to say the biggest quandary in babydom has been the multitude of folks who've inquired about her first birthday party. For a one-year-old.

If you have been planning the party of the year for your little drooler, I don't mean to leave your cake out in the rain. But I tend to lump pre-verbal birthday bashes in with toddler fashion shows. There's something very displacing and parent-centered about the both ordeals.

The most disconcerting aspect of not just baby, but all child celebrations is the money spent. Between $200-400 bucks on average are spent for every party. If you have four kids that's $1000 each year. If parties are an absolute must, at least be reasonable with your checkbook and follow some guidelines for yourself:

• Parties for children under 2 are for you, not your children.
  As long as you can accept that and are content to have a party for yourself, enjoy. Since we've been mercilessly railed at for protesting the one-year cake eating photo-op, we will have a small family gathering with some angel food cake and strawberries. Kiddo can dive into a $10 dessert rather than a fancy $30 custom made thing. Grandmothers can get their picture and adorn the one-year-old with a couple of gifts to spare our friends from having to bring something.
• Don't try to outdo the Joneses.
  Maybe Princess next door got five clowns, a petting zoo, or a trip for 10 to Libby Lou. What you don't see is that her ego is probably as inflated as that bounce house daddy rented. I've even been to a 6-year-old American Idol Bash where parents rented a stage and had t-shirts made for all the guests.
  
  Temperance can be excruciatingly hard for your little one to understand, but it's crucial for her to have some perspective about yearly celebrations. Start small--limit guests to one for each year (5 year olds may have 5 friends come) and keep it as small as possible so you don't disappoint the following year.
• DIY decorations and food.
  Store-bought cakes can be as high as $50. And they don't even taste that good. Learn how to make your child's favorite cake and invite him to design it. He will have much more fun for 80% less. Let kids make their own invitations on the computer.
  
  Opt for hot dogs and chips. You'll want to cut the hot dogs in half for little children and give them more if they finish. But don't forget to ask about allergens to wheat, peanuts, lactose, etc. so you can have an alternative available. Blow your own balloons, hang streamers, and blow up a few beach balls for summer fun.
• Party favors for less.
  Yet another birthday standard I never understood, but since it's expected be cheap. Go to the dollar aisle at Target for seasonal cheap goodies. Buy a few packs of different toys and gadgets to fill small cellophane bags. Or buy three really nice favors and only award them to game winners.
• Have a ball!
  Kids love to play games (plus it keeps the rambunctious ones occupied). Make your own piñata out of paper mache and fill with dollar store candy. Total cost is under $10 if you have paint. Recruit an older neighborhood kid to face paint.
• Be charitable.
  Does your child really need another Barbie or Webkinz? Rather than hoard, invite your child to donate some or all of her gifts to another kid who has none. Mommy Savers has great advice on how to discuss this with him. Or ask guests to bring a canned food to be donated after the party. Don't force the issue; just offer it as an option. Older children would give it serious consideration.

The fact is my daughter eats dirt. I'm sure she'd enjoy cake, but she's perfectly content with kidney beans and peas at the moment. And would probably forget my existence if I left for a week. While I treasure who she is and who she is becoming, she has a very limited sense of self, much less of one-year intervals.

If you'd like to throw a party for yourself on Junior's birthday, by all means, be my guest. But spare all the invitees an eyeroll by letting them know it's a party for you and not your dirt munching offspring. Keep the older kids' bashes under control and everyone with have a fun time, with or without the Joneses.