37 Lame Label Directions on Consumer Goods

Thanks to Guest Blogger Allison Frenly.

Ever since a woman sued McDonald's for giving her a hot cup of coffee, services and manufacturers have felt the need to protect us against ourselves.

Some warnings are reasonable. We like to know the vehicle in front of us "Makes Sudden Stops" and a cough medicine "May cause nausea." The following labels warnings and instructions, however, were clearly written by laughing marketing people under the direction of corporate lawyers. 

None of these really need much amplification, so just enjoy these lame labels that are being posted all over the Internet. 

1. Fritos
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.

2. Dial Soap
Directions: Use like regular soap.

3. Swanson Frozen Dinners
Serving suggestion: Defrost.

4. Tesco's Tiramisu
Do not turn upside down.

5. Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding
Product will be hot after heating.

6. Rowena Iron
Do not iron clothes on body.

7. Boot's Children Cough Medicine
Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication.

8. Nytol Sleep Aid
Warning: May cause drowsiness.

9. Japanese Food Processor
Not to be used for the other use.

10. Sainsbury's Peanuts
Warning: contains nuts.

11. American Airlines Packet of Nuts
Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts.

12. Child's Superman Costume
Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.

13. Swedish Chainsaw
Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals.

14. Christmas Lighting
For indoor or outdoor use only.

15. Sears Hairdryer
Do not use while sleeping.

16. Knife Sharpener
Caution: knives are sharp.

17. Bicycle Shin Pads
Shin guards cannot protect any part of the body they do not cover

18. Microwave Oven
Do not use for drying pets.

19. Pop Bottle Bottom
Do not open here.

20. Harry Potter Wizard's Broom
This broom does not actually fly.

21. Aspirin
Do not take if allergic to aspirin.

22. Laundry Detergent
Remove clothing before distributing in washing machine.

23. Muffin Packet
Remove wrapper, open mouth, insert muffin, eat.

24. Ketchup Bottle
Instructions: Put on food.

25. Rum Bottle
Open bottle before drinking.

26. Air Freshener
For use by trained personnel only.

27. 500-piece Jigsaw Puzzle
Some assembly required.

28. Pepper Spray
May irritate eyes.

29. Frisbee
Warning: May contain small parts. 

30. Toilet Cleaning Brush
Do not use orally.

31. Television Remote
Not dishwasher safe.

32. Blowtorch
Not used for drying hair.

33. Hair Dye
Do not use as ice cream topping.

34. Fireworks
Do not put in mouth.

35. Wrist Watch
Warning this is not underwear! Do not attempt to put in pants.

36. Futon Mattress
Do not attempt to swallow.

37. Toaster
Do not use under water.

Photo by JackSim